Thou shalt not play with another’s leg hair

I am not good at flirting. I have never claimed to be. When it comes to dating and being a flirtatious expert, I would not be in the running. However, I do think that there are some basic guidelines when working to attract the opposite sex. Now I am not referring to the guides or articles or countless books that try and describe the various approaches to playing the delicate game of love. What I am here to talk about is the rudimentary understanding that sometimes surpasses both men and women alike. So why did this topic come up? Well, it all began talking to a friend of mine who recently went on a first date. The date itself did not pose anything terribly eventful. It was fun, seemingly left on a superficial note, however, displayed the clear signs of attraction. The girl in question sent the messages that would indicate potential interest for a relationship. Physical touch expressed in hand holding, laughter and verbal expression. However, the questionable behavior does not stem from mild breaching of social norms. This was not excessive hair flipping, over flexing, or obnoxious giggling. This was one of those moments when you think, what the??? You see, following the initial date, the next day presented another social interaction. Watching a show on tv with another couple. The other couple was in a relationship and enjoying one another’s company. The friend and his date where sitting next to one another when his companion reached over and placed her hand on his leg. Nothing out of the norm here, until apparently tired of waiting for the initiative to be taken by him, proceeded to play with his leg hair. And play and play and play… At this point one must be thinking, where do you go from there? Amidst my less than supportive laughter, I asked what he did. His response was, sit uncomfortably and wait it out. I would have thought this was one of the most awkward encounters I had heard of, if not for the fact that I once also knew a girl who when nervous in the company of a man she was attracted to, would spontaneously, and without notice or consent from the other person, play odd or even with him. In case you are not familiar with this game, it entails one person grabbing and ripping a pinch full of hair from another’s leg and having them guess if the number of hairs was odd or even. The first time I witnessed it I thought, “Oh please let me not have just seen what I think I have”. These encounters got me thinking, how do some totally miss the mark on what crosses the line from flirting to just plain odd?

Then I thought of all the messages that we have around us at any given time. There are books, sitcoms, comic strips, talk shows, youtube videos, facebook posts, tweets, the list is endless. And all presumably suggest different methods for attracting a potential partner. I even once spent a dinner group evening reading suggestions in a book on flirting for dummies that indicated flaring your nostrils would attract a partner. I thought it ludicrous as two of the members of the group practiced on one another. I would write that one off all together if those two members were not currently married with a child. Even acts of sheer madness can do the trick. A good friend of mine had a roommate who, there is no delicate way to put this, was kind of crazy. She would go into fits of hysteria over the slightest thing. She would scream and throw things, going ballistic amidst wailing that no one understood her plight in life. One day the guy that every girl wanted to date came over right in the middle of one of these fits. One would imagine that any seemingly sane man would run the other direction, but no. He immediately began to pursue her. They also ended up taking the leap into wedded bliss. When asked what it was that first attracted him to her, he indicated that he knew that life with her would never be boring. So is it really that some people lack complete understanding of where the line exists between social norms and personal idiosyncrasies? Or that they just may not have yet encountered the other individual who will truly appreciate their antics. To all you single ladies and gents out there, perhaps it is not that your tactics are flawed, but that the target has not been truly identified. Until then, I will continue to get a good chuckle out of the sorted experiences in dating all along the way.

Shhhh... no talking!

I like to talk. No explanation, reasoning or debate. Just a simple fact. There are times when I feel like being reflective and pensive. Turning inward and taking in the surroundings I am experiencing. These times are rejuvenating and helpful. However, there is a cap for me. I would say that beyond 3/4 of a day, and I am talking to the cat and praying that the day doesn't come when he talks back. Knowing this about me, it is no surprise that I would be caught in shocked silence at the news that my best friend was leaving for a five day meditation retreat. It is not the meditation that was shocking, but the fact that this retreat was being conducted in "noble silence". An entire 5 days with no verbal communication, with one exception, one hour a day of private instruction with your teacher. Let me tell you, should I be able to have the restraint to participate, that hour would be intense! Not so much for me, but the teacher may revoke my speaking privileges. It amazes me how open she is to try new things, challenge herself, and look for answers not from the popular fads or theories, but from within herself. That without the distractions of life around her, clarity and understanding will reveal itself to her. This got me thinking, although five days of reflection is a bit out of my league, how can I truly grasp these principles in my every day life? There are several activities that I participate in that encourage quiet and reflection, but I am one who easily gets caught up not in the things around me, but in my own brain. Sometimes it will just not quit! So I decided some research into the concepts of this retreat may give me some more ideas coupled with what I already participate in. The guidelines of the retreat, no verbal communication, no electronics, an all natural vegan diet, meditation experiences and time away from your life. What things can I implement that may assist me? First and foremost, turning my cell phone off. Not on vibrate, because that is my preference, but then I silently watch for the screen to light up or hear that familiar buzz. Take time to spend in nature, away from the busy-ness of urban life. And take time to really listen for answers. I ask plenty of questions, putting my heart's desires and life's questions out there, but not taking the time to listen for the answers. I am anxious to speak with her when she returns and to hear about the experience overall. I am slightly wicked though. My last question was one that planted a horrible seed for her. I inquired, "Do you get in trouble for giggling?" What??? was her response. I don't know about the rest of you, but after a few days of silence, the release for me would be breaking into uncontrollable giggling that I could not stop even if I tried. Let's just say that there is a small part of me that would love to hear what would happen, should in the middle of her meditation she remember this quick conversation and burst into laughter. I have a feeling this may be a story in the making and cannot wait to hear how it is going to end. I am evil, but I can't help it. Life is an experience and are what the best stories are made of.