Another year has gone by...

Well this particular blog has taken a familiar turn in that it's looking like every journal I have ever tried to keep. They all start out the same way:
Page 1
January 12, 1990
Well it has been awhile since I last wrote....     (Next Page)
June 14, 1993
Well it has been awhile since I last wrote...
And so on and so forth until a decade of my life has gone by and there are fewer than 15 pages documenting it.

So I am trying to remedy that right now. I actually cannot believe how time has flown by, and really the only reason it has struck me is because my birthday is coming up and so much has changed since the last. Even though much has changed, it feels at times like things are ever the same. Since last September I have made some huge life decisions, having made new church commitments, accepted a new position in another city, moved yet again to a new city, had the chance to visit some new countries and meet new people, gone back to school again, watched those I love get married, some have children, had some incredible laughs, shed some difficult tears, and at the end of it all I think to myself, where am I going? For as much as has gone on in one years time, I find myself unnervingly discontent with what has been accomplished. On paper it looks respectable. But something is missing. I have never been a big New Year's resolution person, but I made a few for the first time in January. Some I have shockingly been able to keep, others have been epic failures. But rather than the new year being my marker for evaluation, I find this year it is as I walk into another year on this earth. I am not worried about being one year older, I mean don't get me wrong it is weird to think about being 28. I used to think that 30 was so old and yet it is right around the corner. But what am I working towards? I find myself a little stuck. So I have given this a lot of consideration, and although I still do not have a definitive answer, this is what I have so far.

STOP IT!

Stop living in the expectations of everyone and everything around me. Stop focusing on all the things that I think I should have accomplished, and look at the things that I have. Stop putting limitations on what I can and cannot or should or should not do. One of the realities I constantly fail to remember is, that at this point in my life I can take some risks, make some changes, and do what I may not have the flexibility to do in the future. I need to stop focusing on the experiences others are having that I do not have yet. I need to stop and remember that very important word, yet. Stop allowing happiness and true joy to be conditional. Stop putting up walls toward others, and definitely stop creating unrealistic expectations of them. Stop living in the past and enjoy the present. Every moment is an opportunity to learn, grow or just be. I need to learn how to just be. Stop being so hard on oneself. Stop allowing my life to be insignificant. If I want to do more, to be more in this world, I just need to do it. I love people that can put clarity and truth into one sentence. I think for me that sentence today would be: It isn't enough to just believe that your life is immensely valuable, you must live each day in a way that undeniably emulates that. This will be my motto, my goal and my inspiration. Here is to another year of creating more days of living, breathing truth to this statement.