Who knew one song could have such a lasting impression, but
it does. I went to the Desert Star dinner theater to go see their parody of
Wicked, called Wicked-er! It was the epic tale of Vanna White, fed up with the
poor treatment Pat was subjecting her to, she is distributed to Oz where she
puts on the ruby red sneakers and travels with quite a group of characters to
see the wizard. Rather than the scarecrow, lion, and tin man, Vanna explores Oz
with Arnold Schwarzenegger,
Zach Galifianakis, and none other than Dr. Sheldon Cooper. It is a small production, but quite a fun
experience.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
Ok, if you do not want to know how this show ends, stop reading right
now. Because without the ending of this show, you cannot begin to understand the
correlation to an American classic such as the hot dog. After Vanna becomes
power hungry and takes over Oz and becomes Wicked-er than the wicked witch of
the west, the group tries to end her reign of tyranny. The ruby sneakers give her the ability to wish
for anything that she desires. Therefore, in the last moments of the show, Dr.
Sheldon Cooper performs a masterful twist of irony. He expresses that what he
misses most from home was a hot dog. Then humming the familiar tune scratches
his head to remember the lyrics to the famous jingle, at which point Vanna
sings out, “Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner!” and poof she is. It is
after her transformation that Zach Galifianakis eats her. So why does this jingle
take me back to a time long, long ago. I have a secret. It is shameful and has
only been shared with a few… I once grasped at fame and glory with that very
same song. How you might ask? It was a sunny day as a youth, I think I was
about 11, when what came to town but the Oscar Meyer Weenie Mobile! I mean who
doesn’t love a giant hot dog on wheels? But better yet, they were coming by to
audition children for their commercials. All you had to do was sing the jingle
on camera to audition and then you got a weenie whistle. There was initial excitement,
however, it was more-so from my dad in that he had always wanted a weenie
whistle and here it was only 90 camera seconds away from being his. Unfortunately,
he did not qualify to audition. So what does he do? Signs me up.
This would not have been too terribly embarrassing, had it not been for
one unmistakable fact. Everyone else was the average age of 4 and no taller
than 4 feet. Then here I come. Picture this, a 5 foot something 11 year old,
hunching over a short microphone stand singing the Oscar Meyer Weiner song
following the audition of an adorable 3 year old with a slight speech
impediment. I never had a chance. My dreams of celebrity lying somewhere on a cutting
room floor. Far better there I imagine, than aired nation-wide. Should I ever
run for public office, I fear that this tape would re-surface and my gap
toothed, Sally Jesse Raphael pink glasses, and un-ruley blonde hair would knock
me out of the running. I mean really, who wants a weenie has-been who never really
was? It shall be the skeleton in my closet, always lurking but never appearing
except in my own mind, every time I hear the words, “because Oscar Meyer has a
way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A!”
Love it!!!
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